Garden Update: Urban Pest Control Solutions

I live next door to a bar. It has it’s issues.
Fullscreen capture 4242014 80450 AM

I happened to be awake because I was watching The Wolf of Wall Street ( which turns out is the longest movie ever demonstrating why drugs are bad.)  My husband saw someone running down the driveway ,past the window,into the backyard. He peeked out the backdoor to find this sloppily drunk man trying to keep himself from falling down the 40 ft drop at the edge of the garden while pissing. My husband used what we refer to with affectionate annoyance as his “Sergeant Voice” to tell this guy to GTFO.

The drunk guy mumbles,”Sorry,sir. I come here all the time to piss!”

Nice. So those mornings I woke to find plants trampled…probably not furry animals doing that.

I’m not totally opposed to using pee in the garden but I would like to have control over where it’s being used and who is contributing. Obviously, the number 1 issue is keeping the plants from being trashed because someone stumbled over them. That and the fact that having intoxicated strangers wandering around my house in the wee hours is pretty unsettling.

So, what’s my solution here? I can’t put a fence or barrier across the driveway that would block people from entering entirely. There used to be a cute picket fence and garden gate at the entrance to the backyard but an ex-neighbor drove into it with his motorcycle and the whole thing had to be taken down. I can’t really afford to put a new one up (and no, the landlord wouldn’t pay for it,either).

Things we already have that SHOULD be a deterrent but obviously aren’t working:

1. Police station right across the street

2. Bright street lamps that illuminate half of the driveway

3. Neighboring building has a light on a motion sensor that lights up the other half of the driveway…. but it doesn’t always work and they don’t always have it on.


Someone suggested I make a cutesy sign to put at the entrance but I doubt anyone would read or respect it. And anyway, what does one put on a sign like that?  “Please Piss Elsewhere”. “This is a garden, not a bathroom”.

I guess I don’t really feel that it’s the bar owner’s responsibility to keep track of where their patrons piss when they leave the bar. I keep meaning to tell them about this,though:


That’s one of the bar’s beer glasses outside my baby’s bedroom window (Yes, he’s almost 4 but he’s still my baby). Someone threw it at the house from the sidewalk. Came pretty close to hitting the window. Yikes,right?

OK, obviously the best solution here is to MOVE. Soon,soon. But for now, there has to be a way to deal with this,right? Are there any urban gardeners out there who have dealt with this sort of thing? Because I would love input. 

In other garden news, I bought $6 worth of herb seeds. I think I mentioned last garden entry that someone stole my whole container of chamomile ,so I had to buy some to replace that plus some other herbals.
This brings my garden cost total to $21

8 thoughts on “Garden Update: Urban Pest Control Solutions

  1. What the hell! I do not have an answer to this but I would be staying up with rocks to throw at this guys pissing tool. What is the matter with people. I had a neighbor that use to pee in my yard so I build a privacy fence. It cost me a lot to do that! He just did not want to be bothered with going inside his house. Then his kids basketball went over the fence “often” so he started climbing the fence and broke it. I still have not fixed that. In any case I am grateful to say no one even lets their dogs pee in my front yard garden. Gratefully all my neighbors enjoy it to much to let people mess with it. Anyway, sorry I can’t be helpful just saying sorry this is happening to you and your family.

  2. Short of you having to taser the idiot who does not understand private property means private, is there some way the landlord can put up a sign”Though how that would deter a drunk I am not sure. Who the hell walks into someone’s yard and pees??? Too bad you cannot borrow a friends dog to scare the living daylights out of the offender. That’ll teach him.

  3. If it didn’t rain much where you were and if you didn’t have kids, I’d suggest a little sodium sprinkled around. Believe me, after this first drunk peed in that trap, word would get around about not going into your yard.

    Short of that, I have no solutions for you. Sometimes, people can be the biggest pest of them all.

    I commiserate with you on the bottle throwing incident. I had that happen three times when I lived in a really bad neighborhood, despite living on the third floor. I’m glad no one got hurt in your case.

  4. It seems to me that some cops seem to like messing with people. I wonder if one or two of those jokers actually got cited, if it might discourage that stuff.

  5. Hi! I ran across your blog via pintrest and the $100 garden. If you are still next to the bar, motion activated sprinkler. We have it for neighborhood cats, and this year are going to use it on squirrels who literally took off with our corn plants last year. We have one called a scarecrow, but there might be others out there by now.

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