Overdue bills all paid, rent and utilities current, car fixed ,lots of necessities and a few wants purchased. Now I’m experiencing post-Taxmas blahs. That large infusion of cash into our lives was a relief and so needed . Now reality kicks in and we’re still so damn poor we’re just po’. We can’t afford the ‘or on the end. Still same income. Still struggling.
Also, it went way too fast. Even thoughtfully spent, it just goes so fast. We just had so many things that we hadn’t been able to pay in ages and large things like car repairs. We also paid back all the people we borrowed money from. It added up quick.
I don’t even know what else to say about that.
I’m tired of talking about being poor. Yet I don’t want to not talk about it. It’s starting to define me too much. I’m “that poor blogger that talks about being poor”. If I talk about anything else personal, I’m told it gives an identity to poverty. It personalizes my experience and gives some people something to connect to.That’s always bothered me to think about. People need to give humanity to a person to find compassion for their circumstances? I’m sure it’s true for a lot of people but I hate that.
At the same time, when I share anything that reveals my personality and things that make me ME, it opens me up to attacks from the classist haters. Once I show that I’m a person who has hobbies,aspirations,skills, and especially things she likes & enjoys , then I stop being the image of the stereotypical poor person. I’m not supposed to ever be happy and have joy in my life. I’m supposed to be wearing rags, shivering in my kitchen, cooking a pot of rice and beans. That makes me think I need to put a lot more out there even more, even if it brings the hate. Because screw them. I, as a poor woman, deserve to have and celebrate the good things in my life.
Most readers don’t know a lot about me, unless they read my previous blog and I think a lot of those people bailed because they didn’t want to just read about poverty and social issues. Someone who has read this blog since almost the start didn’t even know how many children I had. That’s kinda a big detail here. There’s still people who don’t realize I’m a white woman.Also an important detail. I could write a thousand words just about that topic right there. It’s interesting how I’m praised for “putting it all out there” but I haven’t really. All I put out there was my financial circumstances. It’s so taboo to talk about money in general when someone does open up about struggling, it’s truly shocking for some people that someone would put THAT all out there for the world to know. This is why we can’t and don’t have a better open dialogue about poverty. That bootstrap culture has made most people think they have to feel embarrassed about struggling and others think they have a right to demean those who are struggling.
I came here to write about how awesome it was that my father in law built my boys a bunkbed and we bought them mattresses with tax refund money so now my littlest kid doesn’t have to sleep on the papasan-couch but ended up with all those words up there. I might be bad at this blogging thing.