post-taxmas blahs

Overdue bills all paid, rent and utilities current, car fixed ,lots of necessities and a few wants purchased. Now I’m experiencing post-Taxmas  blahs. That large infusion of cash into our lives was a relief and so needed . Now reality kicks in and we’re still so damn poor we’re just po’. We can’t afford the ‘or on the end. Still same income. Still struggling.

Also, it went way too fast. Even thoughtfully spent, it just goes so fast. We just had so many things that we hadn’t been able to pay in ages and large things like car repairs. We also paid back all the people we borrowed money from. It added up quick.

I don’t even know what else to say about that.

I’m tired of talking about being poor. Yet I don’t want to not talk about it. It’s starting to define me too much. I’m “that poor blogger that talks about being poor”. If I talk about anything else personal, I’m told it gives an identity to poverty. It personalizes my experience and gives some people something to connect to.That’s always bothered me to think about. People need to give humanity to a person to find compassion for their circumstances? I’m sure it’s true for a lot of people but I hate that.
At the same time, when I share anything that reveals my personality and things that make me ME, it opens me up to attacks from the classist haters. Once I show that I’m a person who has hobbies,aspirations,skills, and especially things she likes & enjoys , then I stop being the image of the stereotypical poor person. I’m not supposed to ever be happy and have joy in my life. I’m supposed to be wearing rags, shivering in my kitchen, cooking a pot of rice and beans. That makes me think I need to put a lot more out there even more, even if it brings the hate. Because screw them. I, as a poor woman, deserve to have and celebrate the good things in my life.

Most readers don’t know a lot about me, unless they read my previous blog and I think a lot of those people bailed because they didn’t want to just read about poverty and social issues.  Someone who has read this blog since almost the start didn’t even know how many children I had. That’s kinda a big detail here. There’s still people who don’t realize I’m a white woman.Also an important detail.  I could write a thousand words just about that topic right there. It’s interesting how I’m praised for “putting it all out there” but I haven’t really. All I put out there was my financial circumstances. It’s so taboo to talk about money in general when someone does open up about struggling, it’s truly shocking for some people that someone would put THAT all out there for the world to know.  This is why we can’t and don’t have a better open dialogue about poverty. That bootstrap culture has made most people think they have to feel embarrassed about struggling and others think they have a right to demean those who are struggling.

Ok.

I came here to write about how awesome it was that my father in law built my boys a bunkbed and we bought them mattresses with tax refund money so now my littlest kid doesn’t have to sleep on the papasan-couch but ended up with all those words up there. I might be bad at this blogging thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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13 thoughts on “post-taxmas blahs

  1. Thank you for making me feel less alone. I have secretly been suffering for post “taxmas” syndrome. Yes, I fixed the front end of my van so it doesn’t feel like it will self-destruct and got a new phone to replace the cracked screen nonworking one but I am feeling kind of empty. It thought the money would be around much longer. Wishing you unexpected wealth infusion!

  2. On the other hand, you might be really good at this blogging thing. You stay in reality, how you deal with it, and how that feels. How it feels is a major part of being poor for most of us. Stick with it. You are an inspiration regardless of the trolls. You will find your way if you keep putting one foot in front of the other.

  3. Hey there, I came over from your fb page mostly to show my support and because you post some insightful/funny stuff.

    I had sort of discerned that you were female, a mother, probably white, although none of that mattered. I would’ve tried to support your cause no matter what your race, gender or political ideology probably, because I think it’s very important.
    I agree with you that we should not /need/ an identity behind something to support it – like decent food that won’t make you and your kids sick. That’s a pretty basic sentiment and you’d think people would be more ready to get behind it. Oh well.

    Speaking strictly for myself, the topics on hand at Poor as Folk hit very close to home. And yes, part of it is that it’s very hard to talk about being poor, because of all the shaming. Even though I know it is not uncommon to be living well below the poverty line like we are. I am probably in a similiar situation to yours I expect, though I think I am more inexperienced and with fewer children. Maybe that is why your posts have appealed to me, I don’t know. But I was happily surprised to browse the entries under this one and find some stuff that I will almost definitely be trying to make for dinner next month.

    Thank you for sharing your experience, lady behing Poor as Folk. You are more than the sum of your parts.

  4. I’ve been around since the beginning, I’d never give up on you. Yes, I struggle, money comes in and is spent before I can see it. I am proud of you. this dialogue needs to be made. You speak eloquently. I applaud your raw honestly and I am so glad your away from the bar and your youngest now has a real bed. Sending hugs across the miles.

  5. Yes, I also thank you for making me feel like I am not alone. I’m in Canada and there will be no taxmas for us this year. I am so grateful for your presence on the internet. Even though you don’t provide us with a lot of detail about yourself, I still feel that I know you, as a real person and not as a stereotypical “poor” person. In my case, the little that you have shared has opened you up to warm fuzzy feelings from me without an ounce of hate. I’m not a stereotypical poor person either and I am glad for some companionship as I navigate being po’. Keep up the good work.

  6. hey! I enjoy reading your writing. period. And I think the the work you do in writing about poverty is very important, not denying this at all. And sure, it might define this little area of the interwebs, but it shouldn’t only define who you are, online or otherwise. I say let the haters hate – write what you want .. the good, the bad, the beautiful, the absurd, the silly, and whatever-the-eff your heart desires. I’ll happily read it all. 🙂

  7. I think giving details makes it harder to dismiss you as a thought experiment, which I believe most not poor people look at poor people as. It’s why they try to solve the poorness out of situations without knowing enough details to possibly get it right. It gives more ammo for attack when you get personal though so I understand it is a tough balance. Whether or not you’re good at this blogging thing isn’t really my place to say, but I feel very qualified to say you are an engaging, thoughtful writer. I would absolutely notice and be sad if you stopped.

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