This week our power was turned off. After going to the office and getting it sorted out, it took them over another 24 hours to turn it back on. While at the office, a woman looked at our finances and said according to her calculations, we have negative $320 in our monthly budget. Exactly,lady. And that’s if nothing goes wrong.

Everything in this damn house is electric and the house is dark like a cave without lights. Every simple task became ridiculously complicated. I cooked on an open fire outside. It took forever just to make a cup of coffee and oatmeal. I had to use wood we need for keeping warm this winter so I decided to abandon outdoor cooking. It turns out I don’t have a lot of things that are ready-to-eat on hand. PB & J was about it.

I did not enjoy the quiet of a house without the hum of electric. The silent refrigerator and freezer reminded me that I was losing food. No dings of notifications from my laptop meant I was out of touch, business emails and messages from offspring who might need me going unanswered. No whirring from the water pump made me mournful of no running water. I had podcasts downloaded on my ipod and I was grateful for voices in my ears.

We went to the town hall to get water at the public spring. But we’ve been doing that for a few weeks anyway because there’s been a situation with the water pump that hasn’t been fixed. The well isn’t dry. The pump just quits working so we have no water. I unplug the pump, wait awhile, plug it back in and we’ll have water for a little while. Maybe enough for someone to take a shower. More often than not, I have to heat the water on the stove  in order to wash dishes. I’ve had to carry water from the pond to flush the toilet. And it’s not like the pond is right next to the house. The plumber who works for the property manager says the pump is fine. Sure.

Laundry is piled up more than it was before. I was already behind since I’ve been asking the landlord to fix the dryer since June. I’m limited to line drying outside on nice days. Now it’s even worse with the lack of water and then electricity to wash clothes.

The laundromat isn’t in the budget but we’ve had to do it a few times. Uniforms for work, clothes for school. We only paid half the rent for September. I don’t think the landlord understands that the laundromat can easily fuck up being able to pay bills like it does.

If I had money for security deposit, 1st and last months rent, I’d break my lease and move. It takes $3,000 minimum to move here. I don’t have that but I also just can’t do this. Fall is creeping in. Everything is just going to get harder if shit isn’t fixed. I can deal with a lot but when I’m already struggling with so much, I just can’t.

I’m tired. And then yesterday morning, I fell. A plastic hanger was on the floor hiding underneath a corner of a blanket draped on the couch. I slipped on it and fell, basically doing a belly flop. I had a pudding cup in one hand, a spoon in the other. The spoon stabbed me when I fell on it. The pudding cup was fine. Whew. The left side of my body took most of the hit. My knee and hip are messed up. Everything hurts and pain is exhausting. I just want to curl up on the couch and sleep but my brain is like, “Hey, you need to get out from under all this! No sleep for you.”

No bueno. No mas.